Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode Recap: Fake Tears & Vicious Lies

Another snorefest episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has passed us by but let's jump into the recap, shall we? *Pours wine*

That Amber chick oh my word...she gets on my damn nerves. Every time her and her family come on the screen I immediately begin to doze off. Don't get me wrong (some of) her children are cute. That little girl is too precious. But other than that, she seems like a faker, a poser, a try-hard, an absolute waste of airtime.

Teresa Giudice has her hands in yet ANOTHER business. My damn this woman be busy as hayle! She now has her Fabulicious dessert line and she invited the ladies over for a private tasting at her home. First, I gotta say, that Milania needs to be whooped. She was so rude to the people who were there to take pictures of Tre. There's a fine line between being a precocious little kid and being a pain in the ass terror. Andddd where do they let children talk down and disrespect their elders? This is so foreign to me. Imma need for Tre to nip this behavior before it's too late (honestly I think it's already too late but hey, I'm trying to be somewhat optimistic). It is not cute and aint nobody gonna put up with Milania's bad ass mouth in the real world. 

I digress, back to the dessert party...

Teresa looked fab in her little pink bustier dress didn't she? Seethe heauxs! The Queen was slaying effortlessly! Amber rides with Melissa Gorga to Tre's house and she let's a little secret spill that Thing 1 (a.k.a. Nicole Napolitano) broke up a marriage and wrecked a home. Amber thought she could trust Melissa with this information (did this bytch not watch the past three seasons of this damn show?). But what would reality t.v. be without Melissa spilling this tidbit to Nicole herself? Well, we'll get back to that later but I gotta finish telling you about the dessert purrty. So, Teresa is celebrating the launch of her Italian desserts and this thirsty barbarian a.k.a. Amber starts crying about her cancer and crying because Teresa and Joe are 'bout to get locked up, and crying because she's about a foot taller than her husband, and crying and crying and slanging snot for no apparent reason. I think she just wanted to make Teresa think they had some sort of bond, or that she would be there for her during her hard times. But you know Tre doesn't let just anyone into her life, and especially not at this stage of the game. She's been burned too many times to let some nobody try to get close to her and her family. So pretty much, Amber played herself on national t.v. which is no surprise.

Bobby Ciasulli, Rino Aprea (Twin Teresa's husband), Joey Gorga, Joe Giudice, Rich Wakile and Rosie (lawd why do these two keep showing up?) go out for a "guy's night" of bowling, drinks and fun. Joe Giudice immediately notices that Amber's husband Jim (I seriously just had to google his name because I had no idea what it was, that's how irrelevant he is to me) was missing in action. Bobby let's the Joes know that Jim opted out of the guy's night because he was afraid that a fight might break out between Joe and Joe. Gorga was somewhat offended but I don't think Giudice gave an eff. He's been on chill "how am I gonna get out of this fraud shyt" mode since the beginning of the season. 

What Bobby failed to mention was that Jim also didn't want to attend the event because he's the President of a mortgage company (?) and since Joe Giudice was in hot water for mortgage fraud, it would be a conflict of interest or something along those lines. Pretty much, he was full of -ish and probably afraid of getting his wig split at the bowling alley. It looks like Jim is going to end up at the same paryt as the Joes on next week's episode and he says some foul mess about Giudice. I can't wait to see how that all plays out.

Anywaydoe, so Melissa goes shopping with Twin Teresa and Nicole in the dead of the night (that was so strange to me, who goes shopping at like 9 p.m.?). She ends up telling the twins about the mess Amber was spreading. Teresa and Nicole were like "man, eff these clothes, let's roll out!" They jumped into their SUV and headed straight to Amber's house to confront her. I loved that Nicole had Teresa's back! Kinda makes me wish I had a sister, ok not really, but it would be cool to have that twin kind of bond don't you think?

They drive to Amber's house and then decided that right then and there was not a good time to go in on her. They decided to wait until the next party to call Amber out on all of her lies. This is the way to do it, don't let this ish drag on for four or five episodes. Let that bytch know she was dead wrong for making up stories and make her apologize in front of everybody!

I rate this episode a 5 out of 10. It was dry and stale just like last week's episode but at least we're building up some momentum now.

What did you think of this week's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

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  1. I missed last night's show of Real Housewives of New Jersey but you filled me in nicely! Thanks!!