Mar 17, 2013

Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode Recap: A Stalking Faux Ex-Boyfriend

Porsha Stewart is unpacking from her Las Vegas trip. She asks her husband/daddy Kordell to look for her makeup bag and he finds the pregnancy test that Kandi bought her as a gag gift instead. He demands an explanation because he doesn't find the test to be a funny gag gift at all! First of all, I find it really hard to believe that Porsha didn't call her daddy/husband while in Vegas to tell him the story about Kandi buying her the test, second of all, Kordell is so friggin ugly I can't stand looking at his face for too long. Anywaydoe, Porsha goes to take the pregnancy test and it comes up as a big fat negative. Porsha is a little disappointed but Kordell seems fine with it. Don't he have a baby by one of Sheree's friends anyway?

Moving on...Kandi Burruss is opening up her own office space to run her multiple businesses. She's stressed out renovating her home, working on her office space and she is planning a housewarming party as well.

Mrs. Nene Leakes is in New York City doing press for her television show "The New Normal". She stops by the Kelly and Michael show and her glam squad is making her look like a million bucks. Nene's transformation from season one until now is amazing. Y'all remember that horrible reddish weave and those tacky clothes she used to wear? Lawd.... an Atlanta country azz mess!

Cynthia Bailey is trying on dresses for her husband's event. Peter has invited all of the guys-including Kenya's ex-faux boo Walter Jackson.  Peter says Kenya is being juvenile and she will just have to deal with Walter being at the party.

Kordell is getting fitted for a suit and Porsha walks into their living room to tell her daddy/husband about Nene confronting her about not going to the strip club with the rest of the group. Porsha goes on to say the ladies were concerned that Kordell was too controlling. Kordell says he doesn't control Porsha but he is IN CONTROL. LOL, sooooo you're pretty much admitting to controlling your wife but she's too ditzy to realize it? Okay!

Porsha then flips the conversation to having children because she wants to make sure that Kordell is ready for kids as much as she is. She tells Kordell that when they have kids, she wants him to help cook meals sometimes and help around the house but Kordell isn't feeling it. Then he tells her to decide between having a career or having children. Damn, are we back in the 40s or something? Can a woman not be a mother and have a career? Smh. Porsha says she wants both but Kordell says "Nope!" and he makes a reference about he won't have time to help out because he will be too busy busting his ass down "to the white meat". Has he been hanging out with Kenya Moore or are the stories about him being a booty bandit true? *giggles* Porsha starts to cry and tells her husband/daddy that if all else fails, they could hire a nanny but Kordell says "Nope!" once again! No woman of his will have a nanny help them raise their children! That's the woman's job of course!

It's the night of Peter's men's health event and guess who shows up? Thirsty elf-eared Walter! Kandi and her boo waltz in looking like Bey and Jay. I loved Kandi's dress, she's usually dressed in some JC Penny's $39.99 special but she really stepped her game up for this event. Kenya shows up with a date, an ex-NFL player who is also friends with Kordell.  Phaedra Parks walks in with her boobs looking like two grapes stuffed inside of a pinhole. Why does she do that to her boobies in every shirt/dress that she wears? And why did she tell Apollo that his bow tie was cute?

They all sit down for dinner and thank goodness Walter was not seated at Kenya's table. Can you imagine the Gone to the Wind unfabulouness that would have occurred?

Kenya invites the ladies to a ball she is throwing where every guest has to dress up as an iconic black women.  Kandi is excited to dress up as Tina Turner. Kenya even extends an invitation to Porsha and tells her to dress up as Halle Berry from the Baps movie. Porsha wants to dress up as Halle Berry when she played Dorothy Dandridge instead but Kenya says that since it's her party, Porsha will dress up as she tells her to! Dang, Porsha getting controlled from all angles! Sucks for her.

Walter pulls all the men aside and Peter asks him if he was doing the freak nasty with Kenya in Anguilla and Water pretty much says "hayle naw!". Peter tells the boys that Kenya is too old for Walter and he likes his women to be 22, 24 or 26 years old. Boy, please! Ain't no twenty-year-old checkin for you and your XXXL ears.

Kenya has to leave the party early but she pulls Phaedra to the side on her way out. Kenya wants to bury the hatchet and take baby steps to rebuild their friendship and Phaedra agrees. Kenya then invites Phaedra to her costume ball and she requests her to dress up as Eartha Kitt. Phaedra is down for it and I'm sitting her worried about what kind of effed up outfit she's going to show up in. Kenya and her date finally leave and oh, how convenient for Walter to be standing outside while she's leaving! (Damn you Bravo TV producers!) But surprisingly, Kenya keeps it classy and walks right by Walter and doesn't even bat an eye!

Kenya and Cynthia go shopping for their costumes for Kenya's ball. They start talking about Peter's event and Kenya doesn't understand why Walter even showed up to the event. She's tired of seeing his face and hearing his name all over twon. Cynthia tells Kenya that rumor has it that Walter never gave Kenya his goodies because he wasn't attracted to her. Umm, I'm sorry but with crater pizza face and all, Kenya is beautiful and Walter is clearly a fool. Kenya then goes on to say that she never saw Walter with a stiff willy so she asked him if he was gay lol. She then asks Cynthia to hook her up with someone who is not on the down low lol.This chick is nutty.

Kandi is preparing for her housewarming party. Although she, Todd and her daughter Riley live in the main house, they are throwing the party in the "party house". Damn, Kandi is ballin! That broad got not one but TWO houses. I ain't mad at cha!

Oh lawd, Walter shows up to the housewarming. W.T.F.! This guy is like a friggin roach I swear. Oh, and best of all, he brings some tranny looking date with him. I'm sitting here with popcorn waiting for Kenya to arrive. I have a feeling it's a bout to go down! Walter is pissed that Kenya was calling him gay so he's going to confront Kandi's housewarming party. Smh. This is not the place nor the time, Wally. And then this fool is walking around and working the room while his "date" sits there all by herself. Um...can you say 'awkward'?

Kenya shows up to Kandi's house and she hasn't even noticed that Walter is there lol. I guess that shows him just how irrelevant he is to her. Kandi pulls her aside and drops the bomb about Walter's presence. Kenya is pissed and calls Walter a stalker. She doesn't have her security with her and she feels threatened so she gets her stuff and burns off! I think she did the right thing by leaving but apparently on the next episode, Cynthia tells her she handled the situation in a "crazy" way. Poor Kenya stay losing no matter what she does!

What did you think about this week's episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta?


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