Jan 6, 2013

Real Housewives Episode Recap: Babies, Booties and a Breakup?

Nene Leakes and her ex-husband/fiance are hanging out and look who stops by, it's the Walmart 2 for 1 pack of razors thief Bryson and his new baby Bri'asia (beautiful baby, horrible name). Nene talks about how she did not know that Bryson's girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend?) was pregnant until she was six months along but now that the baby is here, she is in love! She calls herself a "Glamma" which I think is so cute, it sounds so modern and fabulous and very Nene-ish.

Kandi Burruss is helping her daughter Riley with her homework and within seconds, Riley is snatching her own mama's wig! Riley spills some major tea about Kandi moving her new boyfriend Todd into their home after a month. How embarrassing to have your own daughter ether you on national t.v. Do better, Kandi!

Kenya Moore meets up with her poor aunt who clearly was not notified that Kenya's relationship with Walter Jackson is a big fat scam (read more here). Why is Kenya doing this to Auntie and bringing her into this foolishness? All I can do is smdh. Kenya is sitting there trying to make sense out of her fauxlationship and is wondering why Walter did not try to smang her while she was showering butt naked in Anguilla. I was sitting at home throwing my fuzzy cheetah slippers at the t.v. screen during this entire scene. I can't stand this fake Walter and Kenya story line anymore! Let this 'ish go Bravo.

Kandi goes furniture shopping with Porsha Stewart and they start talking about marriage and prenups. Porsha does not have a prenup with her husband Kordell because they will never get divorced and they married for better or for worse and blah blah blah! I admire her love and dedication to her marriage but Kandi had the right idea when she said that people do crazy things when relationships go sour. Go 'head and get that prenup, Kandi! Porsha then brings up her issues with Kenya and I immediately start to doze off.

Nene, Cynthia Bailey and Bri'Asia go clothes shopping and Cynthia asks Nene if they will have a "sip and see",a la Phaedra Parks, for baby Bri'Asia. Nene is like "hayle naw, it ain't even my baby!" Nene also confirms that she made Bryson get a DNA test and they are 99.9% sure he is the father of Bri'asia. And plus, the baby has the Leakes "bottom lip" so there's no denying who the father is! *rolls eyes*

Kenya is at a photo shoot and Ms. Kandi Koated Nights stops by with a bag full of vibrating peens or vajay balls or something. Kenya tells Kandi that she is still confused about her fauxlationship with Walter and Kandi is just standing there with that twisted up look on her face (don't act like you don't know what look I'm talking about). Kenya says she needs to speak with Walter and find out where their fauxlationship stands. Good luck with that one, Kenya.

Nene, Greg, and their son Brent are packing up to get ready for their big move to Los Angeles. Yup, Nene is letting Greg tag a long and he also will be getting a key to her L.A. home! Dang, all that simpin' and begging really paid off for Greg.

Nene's tampon (a.k.a. Cynthia) throws a going away cocktail party for her and all of the ladies, and the seventh housewife, better known as Kandi's wide butt in those sequined shorts, showed up with gifts and well wishes. Did anyone notice when Apollo walked in and Kenya's dry face got all moist and lit up like a Christmas tree?

Peter Bailey breaks out the Don Julio tequila for the second episode in a row (if Don Julio raises their prices because of this over-exposure I'm blaming Uncle Ben). The men are taking shots while the ladies sit around and chit-chat. Somehow Kenya starts talking about how people confuse her for Beyonce all.the.time. I literally almost threw the remote at my t.v. screen. Kenya's a dirty lie! Bey has the face of a well-rested angel from above and Kenya, well, what did Porsha call her? A dried up raisin? I prefer peanut brittle face but you get the point. Beyonce and I are not pleased with Kenya's comparison.

Nene's tampon makes a toast to her favorite person in the whole wide world and then everyone starts making out for unknown reasons! Then here comes Apollo Nida's Tiny Tim azz as he sticks his tongue down Phaedra's throat once again. STOP IT YOU TWO! You are doing the absolute most and it is unnecessary and filthy disgusting cottdammit!

Kenya meets up with Walter and his white summertime Gucci sneakers to go fishing and discuss their relationship. The tension is as thick as Kenya's fake booty and Kenya keeps questioning their fauxlationship because she needs answers a.s.a.p.! Walter says he felt pressured to propose in Anguilla and their fauxlationship will never be the same. Kenya brings up the shower situation where she was lathering up and he didn't even make a pass at her and Walter says he shouldn't have to tell Kenya when to kiss or touch him, she should take matters into her own hands and jump his bones! LOL, I swear if this was a real relationship, Walter would be the biggest a-hole in America but alas, he's just a rent-a-boyfriend providing entertainment and L-O-L's for our viewing pleasure. And once again, Kenya weeps!

What did you think of this week's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta?


  1. I agree with you about Kenya. This is getting really pathetic having to watch her look like a damn fool each and every episode. I really hope she is at home watching the show and laughing with us but somehow, I doubt that.